A summer of absolute freedom: for some

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I am planning how to spend eight weeks of doing nothing, nada, zero, chilling for hours in front of the TV, books, sun tanning my fine brown skin, nibbling at Python, discovering fun ways to irritate our old neighbor etc ooohhh what a summer I will have! I start my new job in September and this is the last summer of absolute freedom. I plan to utilize it passively and document it for future generations.  Nothing demanding my time, except Facebook, Tetris and the balcony.

Speaking of Facebook; one of my Facebook friends broke up with me, removed me from her list of favorite people, unfriended me. All because I did the mundane thing of commenting negatively honestly on one of her photos! Facebook does that to your relationships: “either you give me positive feedback on all my boring photos or you keep your honest fingers away from my wall!” A story for another day.

While I am planning how to deal with the difficult summer of doing nothing, others are planning how to make their entire lives difficult. By hiring/acquiring au pairs. I overheard a most disturbing conversation on the train today. A woman telling her friend how she had picked her new au pair from the airport yesterday I was not eavesdropping, she was shouting. My personal opinion is that having an au pair is harder than a summer of doing nothing. Of course.

Scenario: Au pair is a young woman/girl who has not decided what to do with their summer/year/life. Au pair wants to spend this time of indecision and self discovery in your house. OR: au pair has decided she wants to pinch someone’s man and the best way is to live with this man. Of course, she does not inform you of this decision on the interview. Neither is it one of her future plans as listed on the CV. Of course not.

Shoot me or sue me! I am suspicious! in my defense, I have heard and read stories involving au pair. Stories I don’t care to remember or tell. By the way, are there any male au pairs? I would hire one of those.

My point? while I am doing nothing for two whole months, someone risks loosing their husband to a young nice looking, sizzling, damsel in need who speaks baaad Swedish sexy Swedish that is and maybe some french or Spanish speaking french or Spanish is like whispering: take me take me take me without the words. I want to meet the man who can resist that! And poor woman sees it all coming and thinks: “my husband is not like that…bla bla bla” until it’s too late.

Only way I am getting an au pair for my potential little wonders is when I have decided I want some one to pinch my man  whereby the easiest way is to find someone for him before I pack or jump.

Stalking pre-Facebook & Twitter

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The decision to find information was made a couple weeks ago.

I had just turned 11. The wonderful age when one is no longer a child but not a teenage either. I don’t know how old or young sir Herculi was but going by his prowling and interest in she dogs, he was no more than 3 years old. The opinion of an 11 year old.

It was mid January when our stalking mission began. January was a hot month in Nairobi, before the inconvenient truth reared it’s ugly, scary head. That’s what changed my life, the inconvenient truth. I began for the first time to doubt the simple truths of life. Like if January is always a warm month in Nairobi.

the road
At 8 every morning, I walked 10 minutes through the snaky (News! Snakes love morning and evening sun!), bushy shortcut . Same walk at 3:30. Sometimes, the neighborhood snakes were lying across the small path in the morning sun.

Without any prior verbal agreement, sir Herculi followed me halfway to school most mornings and waited for me at the bridge in the afternoon. This bridge was beside the main road that separated my neighborhood from the slum. I was absolutely forbidden from going into the slum. I had some secret friends in the slum since we shared the school, but I had not visited them yet.bridge

Some January days, sir Herculi was waiting UNDER the bridge, hiding from the sun since he was not an English man nor a mad dog. Usually I called him up and took him home. On this day though, he was ON the bridge, wagging his tail and smiling with his eyes. So I stopped, listened to him and followed him. He led me past the mosque, past the neighborhood pub where I shouted a greeting to the old man who owned it. Sir Herculi did not stop as he usually would to sniff at bones thrown out from the pub.

At the catholic church, I had to stop for a chat with my friends who were waiting for the catechism lesson to begin; sir Herculi barked. My friends did not like him anyway, so I stopped talking and followed him. Just beside the catholic church, he turned left. He was leading me into the slum. I hesitated, for a mini-second; and then the adventurer in me thought “what mother doesn’t know, doesn’t hurt mother.” Sir Herculi was no snitch, so no one would tell on me.

Not long after, we came to the entrance of one of the buildings just by the main road that separates the slum from my neighborhood. Sir Herculi stopped, looked up at me and smiled with his eyes and mouth. I got impatient and told him we had to be getting home before someone found out I was missing. My mother could be hysterical if one of us children were suspected to be missing. I did not understand the panic considering she had 7 children. Did she really need all of us?

Anyways, sir Herculi came home with me, happily. And we had ½ an hour of quality time before the cat came home. Hissing at us.

What I didn’t know that day, but would soon find out, is that sir Herculi had found where the ladies of the LV Salon lived.
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Some friendships are fragile, cannot stand competition

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It is normal, I suppose, to find out that a person one thought would make a good friend actually will not. That just happened to me.

friendship

It can be the realization that I don’t intend to compromise as much as I thought I would. Or that it does not matter how much I compromise, it will not make a difference. It could be that I say one word too much, without apologizing. Because I realized, suddenly, without any prior analysis, that an apology would not make a difference.

It could be Facebook. I, without thinking, up-loaded a photo of myself having fun with another friend. And I liked another friend’s photo and forgot to like the new friend’s photo, or update. Some friendships cannot stand competition. They are too fragile. Just like some people are too fragile to survive some resistance.

It could be the realization that I already have a friend, and can barely manage a new friend.

 

I enrage myself at an imbecile

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It is not at all the same thing, the wish to kill and the action of killing are two different things. If in your bedroom, instead of a little wax figure, you had your stepmother bound and helpless, and then with a dagger in your hand instead of a pin; you would not push the knife into her heart! Something within you would have said “no”.
herculepoirotIt is the same within me. I enrage myself at an imbecile. I say, “I would like to kick him.” Instead, I kick the table. I say: “This table is the imbecile, I kick him so.” And if I have not hurt my toe too much, I feel better and the table, it is not usually damaged. But if the imbecile himself was there I should not kick him. [...]

Excerpt from Agatha Christie’s Evil under the sun.

Why guys NEED women/girlfriends before marriage?

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Those who have read the blog the last couple of weeks know there is an UN-answered question.

I have found and received a few answers: Thought I would share them. Thanks for the feedback!

Note: I had explicitly requested the sex discussion to be left out; :) what happened?

If you recognize your voice, maybe it was you! Otherwise, it is pure coincidence.

“A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason.” Thomas Paine

“The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own.” Leo Stein

What that has to do with the question at hand?

I have no clue either! But I am liking it.

“Guys have girlfriends for companionship. Its just the nature of people to not want to be alone so they look for a “partner”. Now an integral part of a relationship is sex. So the bottom line is that sex is important to guys and some people (men and women) will have relationships so they can have plenty of sex.” The dude 1

“I do not NEED a GF. Girls add spice to life, yes. But as far as what I look for.. I would have to say she has to be faithful, and fun. I cant stand boring people. ” The dude 2

I can’t stand boring people either, so I am with you!

“Yes, we like sex. So do you. We are perverts, and so are you.” Dude 3

“I think companionship is definitely the primary motivation, it is for me, although I’m sure there are plenty of sex-addicted men around.” lady 1

sex addicts, what’s that? it’s like meeting Charlie Sheen right?

“I think that when one NEEDS a relationship, there may be a real problem. Companionship and sex are two of the things that motivate guys to have relationships. One of the other things is that we are programmed to try to ensure that our woman has our children and not someone else’s. But the real answer is that we all have emotional needs, and when someone fulfills our needs, we want to keep them around. So, it is more about what we need and want emotionally and how those needs and wants are met. If the guy only needs someplace to deposit his semen, he does not need much at all and seems pretty shallow.” dude 4

mmmmmhhh my brain motor is starting up now. Re-boot re-boot re-boot…yes it says, to deposit semen…oh boy oh boy

“This guy I am dating told me today that girls and guys needs relationships for different reasons. I asked him why do guys need them???? He said “Uh, I don’t know..because they are horny”..meaning they need girlfriends for sex? This is coming from a 23 year old too, not a 17 year old. Is this true?? I know not all guys are perverts, but even the nice guys..is a main reason someone to have sex with?” lady 2

“I doubt that a guy would stick around in a relationship JUST for the sex. That may be a major reason (hey, it is for me too!), but if he’s not into your personality and your general disposition in life, then there’s no way that sex alone will keep him around.” dude 5

“I have no problem that a guy would have sex high on his list of needs/ priorities in a relationship. I just asked my boyfriend to give me a 1-3 list of what he finds most important in a relationship, and sex was #2. But, he also stated that it wasn’t just sex, but the physical closeness, affection, intimacy, etc.” lady 3

Very informative!

Disclaimer: I still have no clue why guys need or want women/girlfriends. 

Whatever happened to dating guys for fun?

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Here is the scenario:

Go out with some dude you would not marry. Or would marry if if he had money.

exit
Don’t try that at home! And preferably, not when sober either!

In case you need a quick escape, make plans with some friend to call you at 21:30.

On the second.

Pretend something just came up and split.

Why? Because after 10:00 dude has fed you, right? PLUS you have drunk too much to make any decisions.

They say don’t make any decisions after 02:00.

I say after 02:00, if you’re not in bed, your decisions have already been made.

Probably, not by you!

If the “friend calls you” plan doesn’t work out, go to plan B.

It’s even more fun. Pretend you going to the loo loony bin and split.

Yes, the guy will worry, perhaps be hurt, but you did not plan to marry the dude. Did ya now? so no big loss then.

If you really like the guy, you don’t do that. But you knew that didn’t ya?

My personal best was to date only guys who liked to travel and who had enough money to pay for one of my trips.

A job will do now. the expectations are lower after my age suddenly changed from 18 to 25 without discussing it with me.

Gold digger, you say!

Naive! I say.

Love is blind?

Naive.

Loving the money is not loving the guy?

Naive.

Besides, the dude was welcome to follow on the trip he paid for.

Of course. Am not a bad girl and neither am I bad company. It’s win win.

And for God’s sake, don’t jump in bed with every guy who buys you a beer!

Mother was right.

No pig worth his salt buys something they can find at the trash bins.

For free!

It could have been the nuns in high school who said that. They were clever.

They are to blame for everything that is wrong with me.

Marriage is coming, for those of us who think it is important, but it does not have to be the sole purpose of life.

Just because the church “says no sex before marriage” hihihihi  does not mean we can’t have fun before marriage.

 

African women in computer sciences? I am in

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Celebrating achievements.

My own.

I will celebrate other women another time.

It wasn’t easy, but good things don’t come easy!

Those of you who have been reading this blog know that I have been studying for five years. And that I have recently been looking for work.

I did find work, obviously. Or I wouldn’t be celebrating my achievements.

Or maybe I would. Really. I could celebrate myself anytime just to draw some attention my way.

The thing is, there is 7,117,203,974 people in the world at the minute I wrote this sentence. And the world population is growing every second.

In this context, I find the job of my dreams in the company of my dreams.

It is a good reason to celebrate myself. And request you to celebrate me, just for a second, no spare a minute!

Come on now…give it to me!…

Computer sciences rock! And I rock!

Did someone say something about international women in computer sciences? I agree with all of it!

“[...]The international women enter the program with the least computer experience of any population in the program, and in some cases, no experience at all. Most surprisingly, some even enter the computer science program with little or no specific interest in computers or computer science. Once here, many go through a very difficult period of adjustment, facing tremendous self-doubt and feelings of isolation and inadequacy; yet most succeed in the program, often going on to employment in the computing field or to graduate school in computer science. Furthermore, their persistence often leads to an intellectual pleasure in computer science that they often did not have when they began. In a field dominated by images of obsessive hackers, their successes challenge the U.S. insert Swedish here male norm of who can do computer science. In this article, based on interviews with seventeen female international computer science majors attending Carnegie Mellon, we discuss how a set of motivations, and beliefs that link success to effort, rather than ability, are critically important for these students’ persistence. [...]