Love was one of my first dilemmas when I moved to Europe. I had been advised (by all & sundry) that it was not smart or sustainable to love a man of another race. Reasons being the usual, THEY, especially in the west, don’t take marriage seriously! Apparently, they divorce as soon as the first spark of love, read excitement, dies off. And worst of all: they could be using me for the adventure of being with an African woman! what kind of adventure is that?
Then I moved to Europe and I was advised not to even consider wasting a minute thinking about loving an African man in Europe. Reasons being, they were party animals, easily unfaithful and he may leave me if the opportunity for an adventure with a white woman avails itself. That word again, adventure! eeeeeh, never mind, but what’s left?
A man from the middle-east or the Arab world? Naaa, I heard and read (Betty Mahmoody’s, Not without my daughter!). Portrayed as fanatics who obsess/spy on me and the children and want me to share a house with their extended family. Who cares how nice the extended family is?
Mmmm, well no one said anything about an Asian man, so there, was potential for a prospective mate! or? The Chinese taking over the world? Give me some of that
But seriously, who can we love? and who can we trust to love us? I am a systems analyst and know a little requirements engineering so I put that knowledge to use, made a list of requirements:
- if he/she can’t chase me for at least three months, he/she doesn’t want me enough. I will be caught if he/she chases! promise
- he/she must be color blind, so he/she doesn’t only think of the adventure I can/cannot offer.
- he/she has to have a college education; don’t misunderstand me, I just needed someone who had read a book after the high school doors had closed.
- someone who does something with his/her days, works that is, any work will do. The address to”The devils best workshop” is on: idle mind street (my mother taught me).
- he/she appreciates life (animals, children, the old), he/she loves being alive; then he/she like me, is looking for better ways to live well.
- he/she is not looking for ways of escape; so whatever he/she is taking is recommended by the doctor, and I need to see the prescription.
- he/she speaks well of his mom/dad, sisters/brothers, aunts/uncles and women/men generally. Then he/she has had some role models and is not chasing non-existent shadows.
I use HE/SHE because I believe we fall in love with people, individuals, regardless of their gender.
- Accepting a Marriage Proposal (visaliaweddingstyle.wordpress.com)
- 10 life lessons on moving abroad (elenanjeru.com)
- African-born London doctor with 40-year medical career loses battle with cancer (lfpress.com)
- Operation STAY in Love: On Trying (menmyselfandgod.com)