African Woman, Life Lessons, Me sporty me

Linnie: Candy crash champion and all that!

I am playing Candy crash like I never played anything before! My games of choice were tetris and  super mario brothers. Six months ago, a friend introduced me to Candy crash and I was on fire! Well not really.

Some levels take me 2 weeks to get through. I dont buy any lives and I dont borrow from friends either. Not yet but who knows how long I can hold out??! So I struggle through end of 5 lives, 72hr waits, nuts and grapes that refuse to drop aaaallll the way etc But the feeling when candy crashes down with Sugar Crash flashing is like…like…like…oooohhh the feeling I get when I get hot water on my skin during my beloved morning shower. Or when my little brother laughs. Or when I get to bed after a 12hr flight where my in flight seatmate had a child/baby with them.

We have always been on friendly terms, my phone and I. Except when it gets it in its smart head to auto-correct, wrongly. Now I am on loggerheads with my phone because of battery life. Iphone has never been in the “best battery life” category. Or? I don’t need to be sued for this. Still… Candy crash, Tetris, Whatsapp, Facebook, Bukowskis auction, Outlook, Yahoo mail, Gmail, Ted talks, Spotify, selfies etc leaves my lovely totally shaken within a couple hours.

Then, on level 123 of Candy crash, the leader board scroll on to nr.1. Number freaking 1!!!! And to make things worse, on level 125 Leader board scrolls to nr.2. This is addictive stuff dear child. Tread carefully. Play play play play until you are nr.1 again is all I can think of. Dancing round the apartment singing amgoodamgoodamgood amgood

I am Linnie in Candy crash. Find me and share a life!

 

The other half joins in in one of my Iamgoodamgoodamgoodamgood… amgood… He says “ooohhh honeyyousogood!!. Duktig älskling! Are you nr.1 of the whole world or just the neighbourhood housewives and idlers??”

That fixes me for a week.
His voice is all honey and soft as one who is  giving compliments.

Btw, is the leader board based on statistics from a global level or just neighbouring housewives and idlers??!! Why do I even care? I am number 1 at something.

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African Woman, I am not a politician but..., I am not a racist but..., Life Lessons, Rantics

There is no racism in Sweden, only consencus and feminism. Yet…

 I am very thankful for a fulfilling life, love and good friends in Sweden. Still, we need to remind each other:

The wake up call could be me, in Sweden. People say: “you speak so good English.You speak so good Swedish. You are educated. You live with a Swede. It doesn’t feel like you are like other immigrants. We don’t mean you; the ones who are integrated in society (I hear assimilated).” etc etc etc. But I am an immigrant like all the others. I am black like all the blacks. I have other experiences like all immigrants. I also have other loyalties, not conflicting with Sweden, but parallel. If blacks were to be short on the streets, my good English and good Swedish would not save my brother Eric.

I racist applies in Sweden too. It is 10 million people and fewer blacks, so it is on a lesser scale.

racism is not the violent act of a drunk stranger at the park who calls me dirty and asks me to go back where I came from. And then asks JK if he couldn’t find a nice Swedish girl. why else would he choose a black one. I could see how that hurt JK. “what do I answer to defend you?” He asked later.  It is a combo of ignorance, alcoholism, loneliness, depression and envy. Envy because I look well taken care of;  for a black. The drunk’s view of the world is that he is not doing so well but at-least I am in a better place (Sweden) than Africa. 

Racism is the systematic exclusion of a group of people from the resources and opportunities in a society. The systematic repetition of prejudices created & Stories told by colonialists in the 1940s. Systematic repetition of misrepresented news and of demeaning opinions. The inherited baseless fears & descriptions of a people goes from generation to generation to the inevitable diminishment of the humanity and the influence the immigrant or the one that is different has in the society. Because the immigrant is the OTHER, and the immigrant is different for several generations. And the society should be protected from the influence of the other.

And picking a few from a specific group for quota lists is not equal to opportunity! That is called “filling quota lists to avoid bad press”

Facts & speculations to trigger the already right-edged mob:

1. In 2015, over 12% of Swedish voters voted the right wing Swedish democrats into parliament. Nothing special, the French did the same and a few others in Europe. And Donald Trump has has lots of airtime saying all the right things. And then there was the “very white Oscars”. In the words of “game of thrones” The winter is coming.

We are all ashamed and shocked because we are not racists.

2. This is no scientific data so we should ignore it because we are not racists.

My immigrant friends of color feel questioned, slighted, doubted and suspected. Feeling is one thing but actually experiencing joblessness, low income jobs or mean comments about being black vs being competent is demoralizing and counter productive. A friend once called me to tell me that she was quitting her job at a construction site. She is an engineer. The guys at the site were joking among themselves, thinking she had left for lunch. But she had forgotten her wallet. “I never imagined I would be working under a bajs korv (poo sausage) engineer. She knows her stuff but by God, are we supposed to look at that face when she talks?! Laughter” My friend is a beautiful black woman. She walked in, took her wallet, walked out and called me in tears. One of the guys tried to apologize later. “we are not racists you know. We are just surprised and we need to change our way of thinking. Just guys you know. We will get there, he promised.” And I asked her to not quit her job.

If you run, you don’t change anything. We stay until as long as can. But, a whole lot of us are worried that we may have to leave. We are not all refugees either. Some of us are here as there are British expats in Africa. Or Americans expats in Mexico.

2. This can also be ignored for lack of qualitative data actually. Plus, we are not racists at all.

It is basically impossible to discuss immigration in Sweden without the questions of race, criminality and social welfare rearing the three ugly heads. Listening to the current opinion, you would think no ethnic Swedish receives money from the social welfare. And you would definitely believe that no ethnic Swedish lies to the social welfare for money.

3. You know the drill where data is missing!

When race comes up in dialog in Sweden, we are quick to point out “I am not a racist…but”… followed by excuses for our prejudices and indoctrinated opinions of THE OTHER. THE OTHER usually thinks wrong, behaves wrong, feels wrong, takes too much and gives too little, is not thankful enough to Sweden for the privilege of living here, sends Swedish money to the home country, invites the non-Swedish, non-white family to visit in Sweden, dilutes Swedish culture…the list is long. Basically, native Swedes know better & do better, every single time! And don’t you forget it. Or forget to be thankful if you are an immigrant, refugee or not. Thankful that Sweden is not spitting you out like a bitter potion.

It can be exhausting to constantly be in the process of fixing one self in order to fit in socially, politically and aesthetically. Without ever succeeding, generation after generation after generation.

4. http://www.thelocal.se/20151015/swedish-nationalists-to-run-anti-refugee-ads-abroad

African Woman, Borrowed, I am not a feminist but....

Borrowed: Equal pay for women isn’t just fair—it’s a game changer for the economy

Here’s why.
Tales of passion by @Isabel Allende is worth listening to @Tedtalks just to understand that standing up for >50% of the world population is the right thing to do. Now & going forward.

And while on careers and pay, does anyone really do this?? Or is it a joke to keep us on our toes?! Elizabeth *wink wink*? Seriously?!

Borrowed, Life Lessons, Rantics, Therapy Sessions

When facing a difficult week, here’s a poem for the soul: If, by Rudyard Kipling

RudyardKipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
African Woman, Life Lessons, Therapy Sessions

The cliches surrounding how to live life without regret

Enjoy flowers, they are like life. Flowers with all their beauty shine like stars for a period of time. And then they wither. Yet, during their short life, flowers sustain the bees that spread the pollen that helps to produce the fruits that sustain all other life.

Live as if you wont wake up tomorrow. No regrets for the past & no anxiety for the future. Leave a legacy every day! Most politicians have never heard of that one either

Find people who make you laugh, who you feel peaceful & fulfilled around and who have your back. Keep them close. Toxic people will increase your stress levels. Stress does not improve your life length and it definitely doesn’t keep you happy in the present. This does not apply to those who love drama, if you re one of these, go look for your dose of drama to be happy.

Once you find these people, treat those you love as if you won’t ever meet them again. Thank you, please, I am sorry, a smile, a hug and best wishes does wonders. Don’t waste time on petty issues/situations or/and petty people. There is no time to waste! Every day with good friends & family is a blessing. Give & take with the heart & soul.

Fall in love and move in together! Damn, marry if it works for you. Optimism is good for you! Having someone to nag, impress and share the daily drill with is a lifesaver. Apparently, married men live longer & healthier by more than 5 years compared to eternal bachelors. Women do good if they have close women friends to fight with, gossip with and love. We are social animals and don’t do well alone.

Work is a part of life. Give work the attention & respect it deserves & then go and live the other parts of life. An idle mind is the devils workshop did not come from nowhere. Though science hasn’t found the devil in anyone’s mind yet, we all know that idleness doesn’t make us better people. Except when we are on vacation of course.

Don’t obsess about money, Money is to sustain life, not to govern life.  Donald Trump does not know this one

Drink tea with honey! Lots of honey if you can handle it. Honey is good for the stomach and other things science can’t explain yet. Tea with good honey is like meeting a good friend who knows you well over & over again. And you can do it all your life.

Drink a glass of wine every now & then. Too much alcohol is not good for you, you know that already. Some alcohol does stimulate your heart and blood vessels. Ask the queen if you doubt me, she drinks some good wines though. Not cheap booze and beer. Trust me guys, there are few lovers/husbands/wives who “really like” a bear belly. Never mind what they said…”I will love you no matter what” excludes beer bellies, abuse & infidelity I think.

Borrowed, I am not a feminist but...., Rantics

Girls sentenced to be raped for brother’s crimes. Really??! Seriously???!

A all-male council decided that two girls, a 23 & a 15 year old, should be raped and humiliated.

Why? because their brother stole another man’s wife. It’s like living in the stone age!! In some places, women live worse loves than homeless dogs. Women are stoned or disfigured with acid for their own crimes. Women are raped and married off for the men’s crimes*. In some places, whatever a woman does, she can’t catch a break!

God, I wish I could unread that because that was annoying to read!!

moving on to nicer topics:

My maternal grandmother, Lia, eloped with her secret boyfriend, Reuben. They went to his parents’ house, had dinner, slept in his little hut, woke up the next morning and announced they were married. And then they left for the city together. That’s it! no bridezilla moments, no caterers, no banks robbed and loans acquired. Just declare yourself married and it becomes a fact.

2 years later, they married the traditional way, parents and relatives meeting. Dowry agreed upon. I know what you are thinking! Yes I do. You are thinking, “dowry?? Women are not for sale!” And you are annoyed. I am with you. only  I challenge you to keep your hat on and remember that this was in 1920, and we are not here to unwrite history. Atleast am not. We are here to  influence & drastically change the present & the future.

Anyways, over 50 years later, Lia & Reuben got legally married, not in church, just at the registrar’s. To make sure they got the papers they needed to own property together. Colonialism was over but papers were still an important factor if you wanted to “own” anything. Even a wife.

In my childhood, I heard lots of talk on how many choices, potential husbands, Lia had and how she chose the worst of them. Lia was apparently a beauty. There are no pictures of my grandmother in her youth so I cannot have an opinion on that. I can imagine she was pretty, headstrong and she definitely had one of the most wonderful laughs I have ever heard. She was 16 years old when they eloped. Reuben was 17.

According to myth, Reuben was the poorest, quietest and most adventurous of the choices Lia had. He was restless, the opposite of stable. So Lia and Reuben moved from the countryside to the city, and then to the coast and then to the west of Kenya. After almost 10 years and parents to 3 children, they went back to the countryside to build a house (not a home). This was done purely to please relatives. And they were back to moving around. Both of them worked all their lives.

I call it myth because Lia in her old age was adamant that she never had choices. My sister and I asked her why she chose Reuben and not anyone else of her many suitors. She answered that Reuben was the only choice she had and she took it. But she also noted that her family had several guys lined up as choices. Only problem? she does not remember who they were really, she never looked at them. Her brain and heart were preoccupied with the plans to elope. There was no space for anything else. It took 2 years to plan a simple elopement.

They eloped because Reuben the vagabond could not afford to marry her the right way. He and his family had nothing to offer. And they could not wait for him to amass wealth, because wealth would never happen to Reuben. Thank God.

In some places, Lia would have been stoned to death or burned with acid. or raped? And Reuben would be challenged to find another girl, of good morals (read virgin). Because the whole would be blamed on Lias morals, the lack of them.

Men are often expected to lack morals & forgiven, even celebrated for it. Women live & die to uphold their own morals & cover for men’s lack of the same. In many places still.

*Pity is, in some places, love easily escalates into a crime that could kill several women and ruin several lives. Sigh